BLOG.DRMARVINBERENSON.COM

Obesity and Compulsive Eating as Addictions in Childhood

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:39:49 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

November 17, 2011

Statistics about diabetes, intestinal disorders, poor general health, diminished physical ability and eventually becoming increasingly incapacitated as heavy adults have little impact on reducing the prevalence of childhood obesity. Overweight children have learned to outwardly rationalize living in their fat bodies. Yet behind the façade of seeming indifference lurks the real feelings that most overweight children carry with them.

Depression, anxiety, feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem and fear of rejection are common among overweight children. Such symptoms often intensify overeating and a vicious cycle develops

There are similarities in a child’s compulsive eating and adult addictions. Such similarities are best understood as eating increases pleasure in part by stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain. Such pleasure once established strongly impacts a child’s ability to diet and gain weight control.

When a child feels upset, or depressed and perhaps unloved he often has the impulse to eat. He discovers that eating improves his mood. A connection between food filling an empty stomach and improvement in mood is established. The next time it occurs and food again rewards the eater a pattern has started. It doesn’t take long to establish a belief that food counters painful symptoms and compulsive eating begins. Once that belief becomes engrained to all intents that person has become a food addict. Eating fatty and sugar enriched food which is very tasty and fulfilling encourages the development of the addiction.

Like any addiction it will require motivation, persistence and a strong belief in wanting to overcome compulsive eating. As with many adults such motivation is often lacking to overcome the insidious nature of the addiction. Many children do go on diets, which work for a while but not for long. The diet is given up because the overeater has not changed his essential attitude about eating. Children who are overeaters need to change the belief that overeating is an antidote for unhappiness, feeling unloved and overcoming emptiness. They must learn that eating should be enjoyed but the essential reason to eat is to maintain health.

The emphasis must be on changing the belief systems that overweight children have. The belief that food is love or the child eats because it makes him feel good or he eats because he loves food need to be changed. Many children will not necessarily be conscious of these attitudes but most will understand that good health must be primary and the pleasures in eating, though important, are secondary in their eating habits.

My book “The Psychiatrist’s Diet” contains an easy–to–use diet plan that is effective, doesn’t require any special foods and works for any age. The diet is easily explained to children. The mental imagery exercises that can enhance weight control are often seen as fun games by many children who try them as part of their diet.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “The Psychiatrist’s Diet” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How to Help Overweight Children Lose Weight and Gain Weight Control

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:43:34 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

November 17, 2011

Children, despite trying to hide their true feelings, suffer when they are fat. Some children successfully overcome negative feelings and handle their obesity in childhood, but they are a small minority who have overcome their negative attitude while remaining overweight.

Depression, anxiety, feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem and fear of rejection are common among overweight children. Such symptoms often intensify overeating and a vicious cycle develops.

Is compulsive overeating an addiction similar to addiction to alcohol, hard drugs and tobacco? There are similarities in its ability to increase pleasure in part by stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain. It is important to understand what impact this has on a child’s ability to diet and gain weight control. Certainly anything that is repeated enough will initially become a habit. Over time, if repeated sufficiently, it acts like an addiction.

Although children follow similar patterns as adults there are some distinctive differences. Children are apt to mimic overweight parents. They use overeating to punish parents, or to overcome feeling depressed, anxious, unloved or rejected. A connection between food filling an empty stomach and improvement in mood is established. The next time it occurs and food again rewards the eater a pattern has started. It doesn’t take long to establish a belief that food counters painful symptoms and compulsive eating begins. Once that belief becomes engrained to all intents that child has become an eating addict.

Like any addiction it will require motivation, persistence and a strong belief in wanting to overcome compulsive eating. Even for adults this task can be formidable. Most diets work for a while but not for long because the overeater has not changed his essential attitude about eating. Here is where the parents input is essential. They must guide, reassure the child as it pursues weight control. Above all it must make certain that there are no obstacles in the child following a reasonable diet.

Overweight children must overcome the belief that being overweight is an antidote to unhappiness, feeling unloved and overcoming emptiness. A child must learn that eating should be enjoyed but the essential reason to eat is to maintain health.

Instead of more pyramids, diet programs and conflicts about selecting the best diet, the emphasis must be on changing the beliefs that children have. They don’t need to hear the theory of dieting, rather the emphasis is on that they are loved and helping overcome compulsive eating is healthy and should make them feel good.

Although love is the primary element in guiding them, the child should not believe that the failure to lose weight leads to not being loved. The belief that food is love or you eat because it makes you feel good or you eat because you love food needs to be changed. In its place good health must be primary and the pleasures in eating become secondary in your beliefs.

Every overweight child can learn to lose weight but the effort must start with his deep desire to become healthy and weight loss is one of the elements to make that happen. Children want to lose weight and look better. They will become happier and more self-directed as this control develops.

My book “The Psychiatrist’s Diet” contains an easy–to–use diet plan that is effective, doesn’t require any special foods and works for any age. The diet is easily explained to children. The mental imagery exercises that can enhance weight control are often seen as fun games by many children who try them as part of their diet.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “The Psychiatrist’s Diet” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Understanding Children’s Feelings about Being Overweight

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:05:41 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

November 17, 2011

No longer is there any doubt that a national calamity has befallen this country. Not only have adults claimed the distinction of being overweight but now countless kids are in the same camp. Two-thirds of all adults are overweight or obese. Two-thirds. And between 20 to 25 percent of all children fall into the same category. Good health, athletic prowess, self-esteem and parental controls have not stemmed the tide.

No amount of education, persuasion, rewards, lowering of self-esteem, government influence, have had any direct benefit to help the increasing numbers of children who have succumbed to uncontrollable eating. They are the true victims of the widespread lack of control. The majority of children who remain overweight as they grow into adolescence and adulthood will have a much more difficult task to lose weight and regain good health; a high percentage remain overweight.

What do children of different ages think about being overweight? Listen in:

“Mommy, why am I so fat,” one eight year old boy complained. “Because you eat too much, Danny. You need to eat less,” his mother replied. “But mommy you feed me all the food I eat, are you making me fat?” “Of course not, I love you and it’s fun to watch you eat.” But mommy I’m getting fat.” “Then stop eating so much.”

A ten-year-old girl could hardly look at herself in the mirror. “I hate myself,” she murmured to herself. “Why can’t I just stop eating so much? That’s what daddy always tells me. He doesn’t think I’m pretty anymore.” She began to cry and turned away from the mirror.

A 13 year-old-boy was embarrassed to get dressed in front of other boys. He hated being fat and looking so sloppy and felt so badly when the girls snickered at him. Yet he can’t stop eating. “I can’t help myself,” he whispered. “I feel so lonely and nobody likes me. I need to eat.” In front of others he put on a good front and pretended he liked being fat.

A five-year-old girl in kindergarten sees how different she looks from the other kids except for two boys who were almost as fat as she. “Maybe they’ll play with me,” she thought. “They won’t laugh at me. They’re just as fat as me.”

One sophisticated 11-year-old girl tried to throw away all the fatty food from the refrigerator and was caught by her mother who angrily scolded her for her actions. “But mother, I can’t seem to help myself. I’m eating so much. Why don’t you stop buying all the desserts and ice cream and pizzas and all the junk food you buy.”

“Because the problem is not my buying it but it’s your eating so much,” her mother responded. “You have to learn to control yourself, that’s all there is too it.” “But I can’t and you can’t either,” she said as she looked at her very obese mother standing before her.

Blame is not the answer to controlling overeating. But children do suffer when overweight and need to develop a new set of eating patterns and consistent support by the family. Parents, whether overweight or not, need to acknowledge that the child needs their cooperation and support. Through this mutual understanding children can successfully learn to control their weight.

New Ways to Find New Lovers

Marvin H Berenson MD — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:45:55 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

November 1, 2011

The power of the imagination is your repository for almost unlimited new ideas to seek out new friends and lovers. By trusting and using your creative imagination you will have enormous fun as you probe your mind for new venues and methods that will surprise and delight you.

I have written several imagery exercises that will reveal how the imagination becomes your assistant in your search. Be free and trusting of your ideas and the visualization method described.

To visualize the following imagery exercises sit in a comfortable chair, take two deep breaths and relax. Then in your mind’s eye imagine the following exercises. Be prepared for your imagination to make changes and always follow your own imagery in preference to what I write. Your objective is to recognize that you have a new source of ideas and as you follow these exercises your imagination will grow sometimes in astonishing ways.

IMAGERY EXERCISE No. 1

I walk on the soft and glistening sand and watch the tide come in. As I walk on I see movement not far ahead. A woman walks with eyes to the ground. She stops, stoops and picks up a shell. I approach her and see the warmth in her eyes and admire the shell she is holding. I ask if she would like company on her walk on the beach. If she agrees you would continue to walk together and talk.

At this point you could continue the imagery and listen to your conversation as it unfolds. Try it. You will learn much about yourself.

IMAGERY EXERCISE NO. 2

Imagine that from your home city you are planning a vacation by train or bus. Standing on the platform you wait for the train to come to whisk you away to a nearby place of beauty. You hope to meet a woman to share the experience.

Remember that this is happening in your imagination so you can make it happen. Your objective is to prepare yourself to be very alert and to react positively to a woman you run across. This happens much more that most people realize. In your imagination you want to find a partner to share what lay ahead so you carefully look through the train coach to find a woman sitting alone and you do.

Keep in mind that in your imagination you do everything needed to accomplish your purpose of meeting a woman. You will learn if you put up obstacles or can’t seem to find anyone. You may have fears, doubts, or feelings of inferiority that prevent you, even in your imagination, from accomplishing this task. If so, stop the imagery and start again after telling yourself that you will be positive in your search.

Continue the imagery. I sit down on an empty seat next to a woman with book in hand. I say hello and ask most gently, “what are you reading?” “Oh a wonderful love story,” she whispers back, and that’s how it begins. You travel together and leave the train as a couple when you reach your destination.

These two examples show how your imagination can open your mind and actions to a wide variety of experiences that will help foster your reaching out and meeting people. Again use the imagery to change your normal approach to these activities. You will be surprised how quickly you can change your feelings and attitudes.

Don’t try to control your imagination. Merely tell yourself what you want to accomplish and then be spontaneous. Your imagination is a great storehouse of meaningful information.

Using the imagination will open up a new part of your mind and reveal many surprising ideas, ways to govern your life and help you creatively to change your life.

You can rapidly and effectively expand your creative life by following the methods and exercises described in “Awakening Your Creativity” where you will find the primary tools to change your life in ways that will excite and delight you. You can become creative.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Awakening Your Creativity” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How to Find New Lovers Using Your Creative Imagination

Marvin H Berenson MD — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 18:45:23 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

November 1, 2011

Take a journey in your mind to find places where your lover may reside. It is time to move into the world of the imagination that will guide you in new ways and offer you new ideas to find new friends and lovers.

As you open your mind to your inner world you will find ideas that will surprise and delight you. You will live a life different from any you have ever known. You can change your future by following your inner self.

You will journey into a world of love that only the imagination knows and find love in ways you haven’t explored before. The meaning of love will expand as you discover great and new kinds of love. You will learn how to reach out in ways that lead to the wonders of romance. By following your imagination, your relationships will take on new meaning.

The following examples are created by your imagination but could easily become real experiences. Your imagination becomes a stimulus for change.

In these exercises I indicate a man seeking a woman. If you are a woman change the imagery to reflect your seeking a man. The imagery also works if you’re seeking a same sex partner.

Close your eyes and take two deep breaths and relax. Follow the different imagery exercises as you seek out new venues, new ideas and new introductions to potential lovers. Your own imagery may differ considerably from what is written. Follow your own ideas that spring from your unconscious.

IMAGERY EXERCISES

Imagine the following: I am walking on a forest path and on the same path a woman walks toward me. My interest is kindled as she looks up and smiles. Rather than go forward I stop and talk.

Your first words are important. “Hello, it’s a beautiful day to walk. Do you walk in the forest frequently?” Making the transition to walking together needs a warm introduction since you will have to turn around if she agrees to walk together. If there is any kind of positive response to your very general comments, you can immediately ask if she would enjoy walking together for awhile and sharing the beauty. Without a specific direct “yes” go on your way after wishing her a pleasant walk.

Now for your surprise. As you walk let the conversation develop spontaneously. Be specific and free. You speak for both persons. Listen to what the woman says and heed it.

Although walking in the forest is not usual for most people the concept of approaching a new person is similar in whatever venue you meet. Keep in mind that most people would merely say “Hello” and continue on. The purpose of this exercise is to awaken you to the many situations where a pleasant hello can lead to a new friendship.

The next example is more apt to happen.

Imagine walking through a food market. I come to the wine aisle and see an attractive woman reading a wine label who seemed puzzled. She frowns. I asked if I could be of help and she quickly answered, “Yes, I don’t understand what this label means. Is it a Grand Cru at such a price or am I confused?”

If you know the answer, offer it. If not, say you would be happy to find an attendant to answer her question and with her acquiescence, do just that. Of course you could meet a person in any part of the market. Offering your help is a quick way of introduction. Keep very alert to helping a woman in your imagery and you will soon be very ready to do this in real time. You can’t imagine how many people need help in markets, shops and department stores.

After starting your own imagery, if you are not coming up with positive ideas, you are sabotaging yourself in some fashion. Your imagination is very accurate in picking up attitudes, wishes, doubts and fears. You must enter the imagery with a very definite positive belief that you will find what you seek.

The imagination is a great tool to lead to major changes in your life. Simple and effective to do. If you desire, your circle of friends will grow and your life will become enriched.

If you would like additional examples of this technique please read , “New Ways to Find New Lovers.”

Reaching the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing come from the building of understanding and trust. For in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to improve your relationship read “A Guide to Healthy Relationships.”

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

An Easy and Effective Diet for Physical and Mental Health

Marvin H Berenson MD — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 14:29:11 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

October 29, 2011

We have become a country of out-of-control binge and compulsive eaters. Everywhere you see admonitions to eat better, eat healthy foods, eat for weight control not for pleasure. A healthy diet will prolong your life in years and in health. The attack on diets has extended to the school cafeterias, to fast food chains, to even the most prestigious restaurants. No question that the direction is correct but is all this flurry of excitement producing the desired results.
The jury is still out from polls, evaluations and parental watchfulness, but continuing to be aware of the rapid growth in the number of overweight children and adults indicates the anticipated changes are slow to arrive.

It is valuable that the government has produced new criteria for establishing healthier diets. But it will have little impact until individuals change their attitude about eating. We must primarily eat for health and only secondarily for pleasure. Most healthy diets can be both delicious and highly satisfying, however.

Whether you call the needed changes overcoming negative mindsets, overcoming negative attitudes and behavior regarding food, developing a self-regulated behavioral program for adults and children or just using plain will-power, the essential need is to transform attitudes.

It is not as difficult as you might surmise. Here is a brief rundown on what you need to do.

1. Use whatever diet you prefer that cuts your calorie input by 500 calories a day. That will give you a weight loss per month of 4 to 5 pounds from diet alone. You can lose more through exercise and fluid loss.

2. Use water to fill your stomach with each meal and with each snack. Drink one glass of water before starting to eat and at least one glass during the meal. Drink. ½ glass with each snack.

3. Learn to enjoy and respect the readings on your bathroom scale. Weight yourself each morning and when the scale indicates you have gained weight from the previous day do not despair. Rather realize that most weight gain on a daily basis is water retention from excess salt. Eating an additional 800 to 1000 calories of food in a single day can cause an elevation of weight up to three pounds due to salt and water retention. It takes an extra 3500 calories to produce one pound of actual flesh. By drinking an additional 1 ½ glasses of water per pound gained you will lose your extra weight in 1 or 2 days. Kidneys will excrete the excess water and take the salt with it.

4. Establish a stabilization period by only dieting one month at a time and in the alternate months learn to control your food intake so you neither gain or lose weight. You become adept at weight control by doing it on the alternate months. When you reach your ideal weight you will be much more capable of maintaining your weight loss.

You can learn the entire diet and weight maintenance program by reading my book “The Psychiatrist’s Diet.” Here is an easy–to–use diet plan that is effective, doesn’t require any special foods and works. Follow this unique program that has been used successfully by hundreds of my patients.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “The Psychiatrist’s Diet” and sign-up to receive my highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts. You can link to Amazon and B & N and buy the book for $3.99.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How Do We Truly Live the Good Life

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 18:52:04 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

October 28, 2011

Living the good life has been expressed by countless writers over millenia of time. The ideas and philosophy can be simply stated. Live as though you will live forever, yet live each day as though it is your last one. Emphasize creativity, freedom, self-direction and love.

Always believe that you can overcome all obstacles, yet retain a sense of reality so that you don’t hit your head against a wall in frustration when you err in your judgment as to what you can accomplish. Be willing to shift directions, establish new goals, overcome frustration, know you can overcome barriers and that the light is always ahead no matter how dark it may appear at times.

The area of creativity is a key to vital and imaginative living. Find ways to overcome blocks in creativity, procrastination and self doubt. A key component to achieving success is to eliminate comparison with others One’s uniqueness is the sine qua non for a creative lifestyle and belief in one’s self is the essential personal ingredient.

The health of your body and brain are essential to reach and maintain your optimal lifestyle. A good diet and physical exercise are required. No need to have a fancy diet. Simplicity rules. Just maintain your weight and reduce it, if feasible, if you are overweight.

Friendships, love, intimacy and sharing life are other important areas to cultivate as you strive to live the good life.

I firmly believe that each of us can overcome all barriers to a fulfilling life. Childhood, through adolescence, adulthood and the wide-open retirement period, should only be seen as periods of transitions to a continuing and improving productive and happy life. Each phase can be the time of a person’s maximum productiveness and creativity. Each phase can be the time to ever-increasing fulfillment as we move wholeheartedly into the future.

We all go through life cycles of varying lengths with death as the inevitable end of the cycle that was set in motion by our birth. Neither is controlled by us. In-between birth and death is a wonderland of opportunity. For many it is not until we enter the second half of life does the real possibility of living freely actually take place. It is a time to do everything possible to live healthfully, vitally and productively and thus make these final years, no matter how long or short, as happy and bountiful as possible.

But always know that it is not in the final years or the earliest years or the years in-between. The time is always now and each time period is your time to fulfill your life.

Visit www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts. Every two weeks Dr. Berenson will discuss various subjects that will include: creativity, imagery, ways to improve your life, overcoming emotional barriers, diet and exercise programs, improving relationships and other ways to help you lead a more fulfilling and happier life. Among his 11 books are some that can enhance your life.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Overcoming the Arguments Against Global Warming

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 17:05:17 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

October 28, 2011

Climate change deniers despite their small number continue to influence many people still on the fence about the causes of global warming. When Richard Muller, a well-known scientist and a former skeptic about global warming, decided to scientifically investigate the validity of climate change and rising temperatures he sent a powerful message to other deniers.

Muller and the Berkeley Earth Surface Temperature team found that global warming values published by other scientists were accurate. Their confirmation of previous scientific work regarding climate change should have a major impact on convincing other deniers that climate change is real.

As many other have noted, it is now time to finally put to rest denying that the widespread use of fossil fuels for nearly two centuries is causing a runaway change in warming that threatens the existence of earth as we know it. The rapid increase of atmospheric CO2 and its associated greenhouse gas methane is well documented and needs no introduction to most readers. That humans are a major source in its creation should be fully accepted.

350. org., the widely respected organization founded by Bill McKibben, has taken a number for the name of the organization that is believed to be the maximal concentration of CO2 allowed to sustain the integrity and well-being of our planet. CO2 has now reached 392 and is rapidly accelerating. Some scientists believe that a target of 600 and higher is in the cards. The extent of devastation to earth when that level is reached is unimaginable.

We will experience longer period of extreme hot weather, hurricanes, acidification of the oceans, rising seas, costal flooding, water shortages and desertification of certain parts of the earth even as other areas are deluged by floods. Social unrest, famine, vast dislocations of populations barely describe the potential changes that lie ahead. Much of this is predicted to develop my 2050. By the end of the century the conditions can reach catastrophic proportions.

What can we do? First and foremost is the awaking of all people to the need that major shifts in energy production must occur NOW. Slow pacing is not enough. This country must take the lead instead of now falling behind most other major countries. The entire world needs to devote their efforts to stop the burning of fossil fuels and create renewable energy sources. Unfortunately there is scant evidence that such a world-wide move is imminent. Certainly some countries have elevated the task of finding new sources of energy and many have moved far ahead of the United States but it’s a drop in the bucket for what must be done.

Perhaps someday future legislators in the United States and elsewhere will be selected in part because of their conviction and willingness to work to stem the tide of world-wide air and water pollution. Unfortunately choices in the United States do not give us a clear-cut choice. Both Obama and the entire Republican Party fortified by the Tea party have put the need of controlling climate at the bottom of their agenda.

People as a whole need to arouse our leaders to bring climate control into the foreground of their political agenda. To delay is destructive to the future of our country and to our children and grandchildren whose lives will be radically affected by rising global warming. Time is slipping away. Some time in the future the window of opportunity will inexorably close. That time is near.

For those deeply concerned for the future of our planet, read "Rescue," a novel that focuses on the increasing dangers to earth as global warming and worldwide pollution sweep the world. It offers solutions to the immense crisis that faces us.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com. to review “Rescue” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Can We Stop the Climate Crisis That Is Coming?

Marvin H Berenson MD — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:15:22 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D.

October 21, 2011

Does it matter how much man has contributed to the global warming crisis or how much comes from the cycles of nature? No doubt remains among the vast majority of the world’s scientists that man has been a major factor in causing our climate change. But what matters now is how to stop the rising temperature. Very little time remains before that point of no return has passed. Some believe it may have already passed. What matters is directing all our energy to that part of global warming that we, man, has made and that we can still influence.

No longer can there be doubt that climate warming is upon us and the temperatures are accelerating at a rate beyond anything ever known. The rise has coincided step by step with the beginning of the Industrial Revolution as more and more fossil fuels were burned. Can there be any doubt? Not only have scientists seen and feared what they knew was happening but we only need to look out and it is there for all to see. The proofs of climate change are everywhere.

Scientists have checked and rechecked and found evidence and produced replication. Those who doubt have become blinded by some unknown force that can’t be comprehended. But the world’s peoples must see and not be swayed by the deniers. The world’s people must support what must be done. Global warming is no myth. Widespread changes in weather conditions are not happenstance. The warming atmosphere and ocean, the acidification of the oceans, the pollutions of our waters, floods, more intense hurricanes, worldwide smog and the damage to our lands from the byproducts of carbon use are real.

The scientific evidence is there and it must be heeded. To close our eyes in this final hour left before the acceleration intensifies and pollution beyond our control overwhelms our land can no longer be countenanced. No country stands alone here. Every country will suffer and suffer beyond belief. Not only will weather change but society will change. As water becomes scarce countries will fight to gain water rights. Decreasing food supplies will cause starvation and wreak havoc on the world. New viruses will sweep over us and bring decimation to the population.. Forests will succumb to the wildfires that will spread throughout the world.

It will be hot, hotter than we ever remembered. What were occasional heat waves will become the norm. Floods will appear sporadically over much of the world. Ceaseless rain will make normal commerce impossible. And in other areas an endless drought will bring irreparable damage to much of society. And what of the worlds’ oceans? Acidification will strike down the beauty of all our corals and the remaining fish will dwindle and the fish that live will be come more and more contaminated.

And our social state, the peace that we know, will disappear and violence will grip the world in a frenzy of anger, starvation and thirst. The conscience of the world will vanish as people will go for the throat to preserve their lives. The irrationality of the world will rise and a time may appear when it will have no bounds at all. For by then what seems to be irrational would have become the way of life and people will suffer and turn against their neighbors and many will die.

Can this really happen? Is such a scenario possible? How frightening it is to contemplate, but unless global warming is stopped our future will be like none ever experienced. Everyone’s child, rich and poor, black and white, red and yellow, will taste the impact. No wall will stop the rising waters. No amount of money will prevent the ravages of an untamed society from casting spears at those picked for blame.

Can we stop global warming in time to prevent such a future?

For those deeply concerned for the future of our planet, read "Rescue," a novel that focuses on the increasing dangers to earth as global warming and worldwide pollution sweep the world. It offers solutions to the immense crisis that faces us.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com. to review “Rescue” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Where has my Future Gone?

Marvin H Berenson MD — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 18:28:29 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. September 20, 2011

I am 21 and the year is 2031. I live in Texas and California and Wyoming and New York.

I live in a world where living has become a bad word. As I look from my home into the surrounding forests, I see flames consuming what remains of our forests. I turn the faucet on and water trickles into my glass. I wait while it fills, stemming my impatience for I am thirsty and my thirst has been years in the making. It is so hot and I fight the impulse to pour it over my head to cool me, if for only a moment, but I dare not, for I am thirsty.

As far as my eyes can see, parched land cracked into picture puzzle pieces surrounded me. Where has the rain gone? Is there no more water? I asked, my eyes glazed and my head crazed. I looked up into God’s waiting heart. Is there no more water? Just a few drops. I don’t want much. Just a few drops. I walked back into my house and sat quietly in a corner, waiting, waiting.

Yesterday and the day before and before again, it rained and rained; the waters flooding the already drenched streets. When will it stop? I can no longer see; the downpour has blinded my vision. I scarcely noticed the downed trees and the cars flowing by. For my head was turned upwards, beseeching, praying. I didn’t want much. I only prayed for the rain to stop. Why aren’t my prayers answered? So much water. So much water.

I ran in fear as a swarm of strange enormous bees veered toward me. Not again, I whispered as I escaped into a waiting shed where others huddled hiding from the eerie buzzing that filled their ears. I looked toward the floor and stepped back just as a black, slithery bug touched my foot. Where had they come from I pondered. Stop your thoughts, fool, you know that new things appear today that weren’t here yesterday. It’s so hot. Why is it so hot?

I cried in the deepest sorrow as I gazed at the fallen trees scattered throughout the forest. What had gnawed their roots weakening them until they gave up and fell with a dying crash? Strange vines crawled everywhere and the ferns that once flowered here were gone. Where is my forest I loved? I wailed.

Why does the name Glacier National Park exist, I asked bitterly? I can hardly find a glacier. Are there any left? The top of Kilimanjaro where glaciers once flourished and even the mighty Himalayas’ mantle of deep glaciers that fed the thirst of hundreds of millions of people at their feet now waited for their supply of snow. But the torrents of water from yesteryear now barely meander down the mountain sides. The torrents of drinkable water are gone. Gone to where. How did this happen? Why are people dying of thirst when across the waters the rains go on forever. Why has God forsaken these vast mountain peaks? Why did the Himalayas’ snow and glaciers go away?

I turned to my father who cowered in shame and glanced sadly at my mother’s bowed head. Whom do I turn to if not to them on this day when I turn 21? Why won’t they look at me? They must now look to me. Will they accept responsibility for my decaying world? Do they realize that they had opportunities for years before I was born to stop this madness. Stop it before that point of no return had inexorably appeared and the tide could not longer be stemmed. Once the peat moss had opened it veins and carbon dioxide and methane bubbled from the warming land and the ocean floor spewed forth countless bubbles of methane the conflagration had come to stay. The gases rose up and laughed at our folly and filled the Heaven above until it changed into our personal Hell.

Today in 2031 other children are being born and when they reach 21 what world will they see?

When I was one I needed them to save my world and save my future. Now I tread in no man’s land. Neither they nor I have a viable plan. The world is waiting for destruction from without. The world is waiting, just waiting. Where is my future?

For those deeply concerned for the future of our planet, read "Rescue," a novel that focuses on the increasing dangers to earth as global warming and worldwide pollution sweep the world. It offers solutions to the immense crisis that faces us.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com. to review “Rescue” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

The Fragility of Love between Man and Woman

Marvin H Berenson MD — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:51:08 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. September 20, 2011

We want to believe in the permanency of love. Falling in love seems so overwhelming and delightful and even frightening that it seems to mean a once-in-a-life experience. Such a feeling must rise above minor differences, even major differences. What does it matter that one is 50 and the other 20 or one is heavy and the other thin, or one is bald and the other endowed with flowing hair. Everything appears alive with the belief in the miracle, the triumph of love.

And then the world comes crashing down. A difference comes out of nowhere. She doesn’t want to go see the Dodgers or he is not interested in going to a book signing. She has a special girl’s night out on a night he wanted to stay home and make love or watch a movie or just be together. Other problems surface. They seem little, but are they? She wants him to read a certain book or he wants her to check out a political article. She is a Democrat and he is Republican. How comes they didn’t know that before? Is it possible it never came up or was it merely ignored? After all how would such a minor element in their overwhelming great love matter. And at first it didn’t matter.

Then an avalanche of differences arises. One or both have become angry over a misstep or minor disagreement and suddenly “you don’t understand me” rears its ugly head. Some misunderstandings are triggered innocently. A friend or relative inadvertently says something about a past event or a former relationship and the ears open for more. But more is not forthcoming or is dragged out and eyes open wider and that perfect couple is slightly less perfect. “Tell me more,” a refrain, known to lead to trouble, issues forth and the “more” pours kerosene on the kindling fire. Quickly, fire extinguishers are wielded but to no avail because the cage door has been opened and the little creature inside is now loose and starts to grow in front of your eyes.

So what do we mean my fragility in love? The first moment in love when all seems so rosy and pristine and innocent that is meant to last forever, slowly crumbles and can become an avalanche. Love has turned into its opposite and the fragility has been realized and the relationship cracks open.

Is this commonplace? Is this the expectation that follows love that seemed so powerful and solid? Alas, the answer is “yes.” Love’s capacity to color a world in the brightest and loudest colors has become an elusive and even ephemeral interaction.

Are we thus doomed to never have permanently that feeling of “falling in love?” The answer in this case is “no.” By understanding that an all-encompassing love is a partial illusion that will generally diminish after a period of time we can forestall its impact and consequences. But an even greater love can take its place.

All humans are capable of immense powerful sexual connections that for a brief period have provided a couple with a special magic that sets them apart. But such states of mind are generally short lived. A couple therefore needs to be aware of the ephemeral nature of intense love and consciously replace this heightened love with the security of “real” love born of understanding and communication. Perfectionism and idealization are no longer pertinent.

Communication and its connection to intimacy, mutual understanding, passionate sex, sharing core interests and nurturing of their separate lives are sanctioned and supported. That is what can occur and the fragility that had cast its shadow on couples will have diminished and even disappeared. Instead a couple has created a more lasting, intimate and loving bond that includes mutual respect for separate growth and the nurturing of mutual independence.

To discover new and effective ways to have a wonderful, romantic love life and to become a great lover, my book “Love and Sex” offers frank and wide-reaching information. You will find a truly in-depth look at what actually happens during sex and how to overcome sexual difficulties. By reading this book you can change your love life.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Love and Sex” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How to Create Paintings of Love Using Mental Imagery

Marvin H Berenson MD — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 00:05:54 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. September 7, 2011

Love comes in many forms: human, nonhuman, objective and abstract. But all reveal the deeply felt and intertwining elements of love that captivate and enthrall us. Through your imagination and the use of mental imagery you can create exciting, heartfelt and stimulating paintings of love in it many vicissitudes.

We seek love hoping to be enveloped by its entanglements. We welcome the closeness and interaction that comes from someone we love. We find ways to express its meaning. We sing songs of love and write poems to our beloved. And we paint pictures that express our longing, our vision, the special meaning of love and above all else the belief in its transformative powers. No wonder it is a favorite theme of artists.

MENTAL IMAGERY EXERCISES FOR LOVE PAINTINGS

• Imagine that you want to create paintings that reveal love. In your mind’s eyes you imagine pictures of love. A mother and child. Two lovers walking hand in hand. Two lovers in bed making love. A couple dancing and kissing. A couple lying quietly in a hammock, bodies touching and basking in the quietness of their love. You know that you can create the essence of love in many ways.

• Now imagine love in nonhuman or abstract form. Two hearts intertwining. Two flowers encircling each other. A cub nestling against the furry body of mother bear. A duck gazing lovingly at her little ducklings. A chimpanzee picking the insects from her baby’s fur. A dog and cat lying close to each other. A wolf touching noses with a calf. You have unlimited ways to paint love that will deeply appeal to you.

Love is all around us. Our world is filled with the symbols of love and the display of love. Many are visual and many are written. But all exists in a form that touches us deeply. Love is the force that governs all life and is ignored at the peril of losing our sense of humanity.

Painting love is an offering to the visual senses. Movie love scenes sweep us into another world that leaves us with feelings, often unfulfilled, that cultivate our imaginations long after we have witnessed the scenes. Love lingers and we strive to fulfill its wonders. A picture or drawing or even a cartoon can capture its essence and creates a living memory. Love paintings speak eloquently to us. And we need to heed its song.

The mental imagery exercises in this article came from my book “Awakening Your Creativity.” You can rapidly and effectively expand your creative life by following the methods and exercises described in my creativity book where you will find the primary tools to change your life in ways that will excite and delight you. You can become creative.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Awakening Your Creativity” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Using the Imagination to Create Imagery Exercises for Artists

Marvin H Berenson MD — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:54:47 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. September 7, 2011

Mental Imagery provides a powerful tool to expand your creativity. The exercises below provide examples of how your imagination can bring forth ideas that will foster your creativity.

Try one or more of the exercises and even try them all. Use them frequently, repeat some, modify others, use them to give rise to your own personal exercises. As you go over them try to imagine what each will mean to you. Some speak to the unconscious, others to the development of inner and outer controls. Some focus on changing painting styles and other how to expand your creativity. All are meant to stimulate and act as one of the many vehicles you will use to expand your creativity.

MENTAL IMAGERY EXERCISES

Creating Paintings

1. A large airborne balloon flies by and you catch the dangling rope and are quickly carried aloft. From your carrying case you withdraw a long paint brush and a tube of vivid red paint and with quick unhesitating strokes you paint a striking picture across the face of the surrounding clouds. All over the world the cloud is seen and your art is recognized for its striking original style. You are seen as a visionary who rides the winds of the creative spirit.

2. You now look at a blank canvas and see a seascape appear. Gentle waves rolling onto the shore. As you watch, the scene changes and the waves become higher and more powerful. You are watching a series of paintings unfold before you. You clearly visualize each picture as a painting. In time you visualize many different paintings as you stop and restart the sequence at will. You return to the first image and change it to a picture of tumultuous waves casting foam on the beach and waves that start from afar. You now believe that you can convert seascapes into dramatic paintings of any kind you wish. You feel exhilarated with your newfound power.

3. Now start to produce a series of beautiful landscapes. Again you have the capacity to watch the land change. You see forests and mountains and raging rivers and quiet still ponds. Each picture that appeals comes into focus and you stare at it knowing you can reproduce it or similar ones on a real canvas. You know that there is no limit to your imagination.

4. You stand before a canvas and paint a picture of any type. As you watch, the colors change. Mountains that were dark, become red, or orange, or green. Different colors merge together. You recognize that you have control over the landscape and can freely explore how colors change the painting.

5. Imagine a certain specific picture on a blank canvas. First, a human form standing quietly looking back at you. As you watch, the human form changes shape. It becomes elongated. The arms stretch out and make strange shapes. The legs curl up and the head twists into bizarre forms, from the grotesque to cartoon-like figures. You recognize how your imagination has given rise to unusual and totally unique pictures through shape-changing.

Your belief in your imagination gives power for your creative endeavors. Whether you follow the artist’s path and paint or sculpt or draw or go along a completely different path of creativity your imagination is your ally and feeds your inspiration and sense of purpose. Believe in your power that derives from your imagination. It will serve you well.

The mental imagery exercises in this article came from my book “Awakening Your Creativity.” You can rapidly and effectively expand your creative life by following the methods and exercises described in my creativity book where you will find the primary tools to change your life in ways that will excite and delight you. You can become creative.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Awakening Your Creativity” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Expanding Your Artistic Creativity Using Mental Imagery for Painting

Marvin H Berenson MD — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:30:56 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson. M.D. September 7, 2011

Creativity is a vital source of endless fulfillment and purpose in life. By following that inner urge to bring forth something new and meaningful you can live with a perpetual sense of excitement. Creativity abounds in many areas but one stands out for countless people and that is painting. Whether you paint only on weekends or on a more intense schedule leading to becoming a professional artist, painting is a pleasurable and all encompassing way to spend time throughout your life.

The imagination is unlimited in its potential to foster your creativity. The following series of mental imagery exercises will help you further develop and expand your ability to create and produce paintings.

Imagery Exercises for Creating Paintings

1. You stand before a canvas and delve deep into your unconscious. You are stimulated and excited by the myriad of images that exist in your imagination and quickly you select one that immediately guides your paint brush. You begin to paint without thought or purpose. You are painting with a complete belief in your ability to produce art without thought. You are letting your unconscious guide your hand and spirit.

2. You stare at a blank canvas and tell yourself to allow one powerful emotion to come forth to guide your hand. You feel exhilarated by your love for life, nature and beauty (it can be any emotion). You are on the brink of ecstasy as the overwhelming feeling translates into a vivid painting before your eyes. Your artistic ability is intensified by the powerful emotion. The painting follows your unconscious and thus can be any image that appears in your mind. Such an image can be a human body, flowers, trees or other realistic object or it can be an abstract image that represents the emotion.

3. You stand before a canvas holding a paintbrush that begins to glide over the canvas. You watch as your arm automatically moves and you see a beautiful picture develop. You know that what you can visualize, you can do. You feel moved and excited knowing that you will be able to transfer this new ability onto a real canvas.

4. You stand before a canvas watching as the empty canvas begins to reveal a developing face. You are watching as the head of a known person appears before you. It becomes complete. Now as you watch you begin to imagine modifying the features of the face. You see the face change as you first show sadness. In sequence, you reveal power, fear, worry, love and peacefulness. Each time you project a feeling to the face, the face changes. You know that as you have seen the transformation on the imaginary canvas that you will be able to do the same on a real canvas.

The unconscious is an unlimited source of inspiration to feed your creativity. Whether you select painting as your choice of creative activity or some other interest always believe in your ability to create and in the power that you have to pursue your dreams.

How to Know if You are Truly Compatible When You Fall in Love

Marvin H Berenson MD — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 21:31:37 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 13, 2011

“Ann,” Dana said excitedly. “I just met the most wonderful man. He’s everything I dreamed of. I can’t believe my luck.”

“That’s wonderful,” Ann replied. “How did you meet him?”

“It was like a miracle. I was in Ralph’s at the check-out and dropped a sweet potato. It rolled under my cart and before I could bend down to get it this young guy got it for me. So naturally we began to talk and when we left the market he suggested we go for coffee. We did and before I knew it we were going to dinner and we just hit it off. I really think this is it. And we’ve seen each other twice more in just two days.”

“Dana,” Ann gently said, “I can understand how you feel and I hope he really is the one. You’ve done this before. How can you be so certain?”

“I just know it and he’s great in bed, too. We made wonderful love every night.”
“ We talk about everything. It’s like we’re old friends.”

“What does he do?”
Dana frowned for the first time. “I think he’s in some kind of sales, but it kind of never came up. Anyway, he’s very cool and smart and laughs a lot and makes me laugh.”

“Tell me more about him.”
“Like what?”

“Are you compatible in your core beliefs, such as religion, politics, art, sports, theater, movies, travel, hiking, nature and family closeness which are important to you? Do you know what really interests him?”

“Ann, none of those things matter. I’m certain we’re very compatible. I can just tell. He told me how pretty I was. He loves nature and likes to go camping and biking,” Dana added.

“Dana, I hate to bring this up but you’ve told me the same story at least four or five other times and each time the relationships ended and usually because the guy booted you out of his life. You fall so strongly before you really know him. Once you learn that you’re incompatible you’re already very hurt. Sometimes it was religion or politics or money. Other times relationships to his family and social differences.

“You always feel it makes no difference but you end up having arguments. He tends to see you less and less. You feel neglected and when it ends you’re devastated. But in each relationship the clues were evident that you were incompatible. The sex that had held you together wasn’t enough.”

Dana grimaced and shook her head in acknowledgement. “You’re right, Ann. How can I know if what I feel can be trusted?”

“I guess you might say that it’s a simple matter of asking some simple questions the very next time you meet. The discussion can be fun and opens the door to real intimacy. He should not hesitate to discuss any subject if he feels strongly about you.

“If he’s considering that you and he are beginning a long term relationship then having this preliminary discussion would seem beneficial and desirable. You would listen very closely to what he says and how he responds to you. There should be an open and free-wheeling discussion about any subject you desire.

“You’re interested in his attitude and the way he responds and what he avoids. Does he fend you off or cut certain discussions off or just tells you he doesn’t want to get into certain subjects. You should be able to ask him why and get a reasonable response.”

“That’s a big order,” Dana said.

“Dana, what I’m proposing is nothing more or less than what people want to know about each other if they anticipate a long term and loving relationship that has the potential of going all the way. It is the essence of developing true intimacy.”

Within this dialogue are the essential elements that can help a couple determine if a relationship is sound, honest, open and neither partner is hiding essential facts and feelings. Individuals not willing to focus on these areas that determine compatibility are apt to fail the test of trust that needs to exist for couples in love.

Reaching the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing come from the building of understanding and trust. For in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to improve your relationship read “A Guide to Healthy Relationships.”

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How to Overcome Fears and Anxiety in Two Easy Steps

Marvin H Berenson MD — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 21:17:06 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 13, 2011

“You’re driving me crazy with all your worries,” Jackson complained to Norma, his wife.
“What do you expect?” she responded. “The world’s going crazy and anyone with any sense would be worried.”
“Not the way you are. You think the country’s falling apart, that we’ll be out of money and inflation is going to hit us like a slam hammer.”
“Have you been shopping at the market lately,” Normal retorted. “I go for a few things and the bill comes to a hundred dollars. How are we going to make it?”
“I understand what you are saying,” Jackson replied. “But that is our life for now and your worry seems to me excessive and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand to be around you when you complain so much.”
“What do you expect me to do about it?”
Jackson reflected before he spoke.
“Do you really want to change? If so, then we can talk about some of the things you can do that will help you. I have used these same methods for years, as you know, to change my life in numerous ways.”

Tears appeared in his wife’s eyes as she murmurs, “I hate to live in fear but I can’t seem to help it. Everybody I talk to is afraid of what’s happening.”
“I understand that there is much fear in the world, but you need to separate yourself from others and reduce your anxiety.”

“The technique that you have seen me use will also help you overcome your anxiety and separate yourself from the hype, frenzy, misinformation and even the real threats that we face. I don’t mean that you should close your eyes to our real world. It’s a matter of knowing what is going on, being well-informed, but not let the facts cause such anxiety. Sometimes what we learn requires or even mandates that we take action to both protect ourselves or change how we live and, if necessary, even move. That however is different from living in fear.”

Norma dried her eyes. “I want to know how to change myself. I am finally ready to make the effort and I won’t falter.”

Jackson replied in a soothing voice. “I love you. You can do it. The steps are simple. They only require dedication, belief in your power to change, and applying the techniques I’m going to describe.”

“First you start a simple daily meditation exercise. You sit quietly in a chair, with your eyes closed. Breathe in through your nose slowly while saying to yourself the letter O. Exhale slowly while saying the syllable NA. Thus, as you breath, you are repeating O NA. The letters are called mantras and by concentrating on them you essentially decrease and eventually eliminate others words and sounds in your mind.

"If other words intrude make no conscious effort to get rid of them. Rather just go back to your mantra. That’s all there is to it. Simple and effective. It really works. Do it daily for 15-20 minutes/day. You can go longer, if desired, and some prefer doing it twice a day.

"You will add to the meditation a simple mental imagery exercise. In the middle of the meditation you would stop using the mantra and instead visualize yourself in a totally relaxed and anxiety-free state. For example, see yourself calmly floating on water or flying in the sky or lying on the beach alone and enjoying the sound of the ocean or just being in a state of relaxation in your home. Do this for about five minutes.

"At the end of the imagery say to yourself that you will remain relaxed and free of fear and anxiety all day. Say this emphatically and with total belief. Then continue the remainder of the meditation.

“Norma, it is important that you believe in what you are doing and don’t doubt the process or your ability to change yourself. Usually within a few weeks you will begin to feel the benefit and after a few months you will definitely feel better. Meditation and imagery are a great combination to change your feelings, thinking and behavior.

Reducing and even overcoming chronic anxiety can be done with persistence and maintaining a high motivation to change. Your entire life will benefit from your increasing self-control and knowing that you have the power to change your life.

For additional information about using imagery follow the methods and exercises described in “Awakening Your Creativity” where you will find the primary tools to change your life in ways that will excite and delight you.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Awakening Your Creativity” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

The Five Steps to Take After the Breakup of a Love Relationship

Marvin H Berenson MD — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 15:18:43 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 13, 2011

“I feel so awful since Jim left me that I just want to die,” Janice cried.
“You’ve got to get over it,” Harriet, her best friend admonished.
“I can’t. I’m so depressed that all I think about is killing myself. Don’t worry I won’t do that,” she uttered, seeing her friend’s concern.
“I feel like a fool, and that no one will ever like me again. I know that it sounds, like I’m making myself suffer and want to punish myself, but that’s what I feel. I blame myself for causing him to leave me, although he was as much to blame as me.”

“Janice, you’re making yourself sick. I know that you can feel miserable when you think your world has come to an end. But it hasn’t. Now listen and I’ll tell you what you need to do starting right now.”
“All right,” Janice agreed, “Tell me what to do.”

“These ideas will really help you, so listen closely. This is a five-step cure for your blues,” Harriet said, with a slight smile.

“Step one: You need to change how you handle your anger. You have to stop hating yourself, blaming yourself, and thinking you’re a terrible person. You need to focus on the real relationship, what you both did wrong, how you were deceived and what prevented you from trying to resolve your problem. You need to use your anger constructively.

“Step two: You are to set up a program that takes you outside your house that you can share with friends. Take a walk. Go to a movie. Go to the library. Go shopping. Buy something.

“Step three: Arrange to spend talking time with a friend. I volunteer for the job,” Harriet said warmly. “Talk over the past with the idea of learning from it and not to make yourself into a victim or to overemphasize the loss.

“Step Four: If you find that you are still considerably depressed then join a therapy group of women who are also struggling to overcome a similar loss.

“Step Five: Start dating. Your exact timing is less important than making that decision now and then waiting until you feel comfortable. But if you do the other four steps then dating should happen quickly.

“That is all you need to do. Janice, your worst enemy is remaining a victim of the loss and not actively taking these steps to overcome the reaction. You can be free of your depression very quickly if you enter this period of change with hope and enthusiasm and know that you will soon be living a very different life.”

A deep sense of loss, self-blame and anger at the rejecting person are commonplace when romances and deep relationships end. In general, such endings in retrospect are often healthy by preventing the continuation of a relationship that is tottering on the brink of being dysfunctional. By evaluating why the relationship ended you will gain understanding that improves the potential of future romances enduring.

Reaching the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing come from the building of understanding and trust. For in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to improve your relationship read “A Guide to Healthy Relationships.”

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How Do You Know if Your Lover Really Loves You

Marvin H Berenson MD — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 14:37:26 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 13, 2011

“You don’t love me anymore,” Suzy wailed inconsolably.
“Of course I love you,” Bart said, somewhat irritated.
“No you don’t. You never tell me how pretty I am anymore and you never even tell me that I look nice. You didn’t even notice I wore a new blouse yesterday. And I bought it for you.” Suzy continued to cry.
“What’s the matter with you,” Bart, said with increasing exasperation. “You already know I love you. Do I have to tell you everyday?”
Suzy, about to say something, sputtered to a stop. He doesn’t really love me, she thought. He always seems preoccupied with other things. He doesn’t even come to hug me or hold my hand like he used too. What has happened to us?

Such words are all too common among couples of all ages. The romance and courtship seemed to have ended and doubts begin to appear. Other concerns about jobs, money, politics, friends, family matters rather than with each other occupy their time together. Boredom, decreasing communication, less lovemaking, and a growing separateness have become commonplace.

Several scenarios are possible. One, and the most ominous, is that the couple is falling out of love, or the relationship has become tenuous as the couple has drifted apart. Another possible scenario is the relationship has changed as the partners settled into a less romantic interaction and what Suzy desire for continuing romance was no longer on the table.

So how to you know if your lover loves you? You need to carefully examine how the relationship has unfolded. Where has the romance gone? Has one or both of you become negligent and slowly “forgot” to say “I love you.” Have you stopped doing the romantic things that make someone feel loved? Or has your lover stopped loving you?”

Here is the test:

1. Once you recognize that the changes noted above have occurred has either of you suggested sitting down and examining what has changed your relationship. In other words, are you open to communication or does one of you prefer to ignore the problem? Not a good sign if this is true.

2. Do you find that attempts to reach out or touch your partner are thwarted or not reciprocated or worse, does your lover move away when you reach out?

3. Do you find that you are reluctant to suggest romantic interludes, such as a night out or a special romantic dinner or a romantic walk or a romantic anything?

4. Are your conversations becoming narrow, limited in scope? In other words has boredom set in and you find you’re not listening to each other.

5. Does the limitation in connecting seem one-sided? Is the lack of interest denied and makes you feel, as Suzy felt in our little story, that she was neglected and ignored.

What to do:

1. The most essential thing is simple. Any reluctance or anger needs to be dealt with first. Unless that can be overcome real communication is difficult. Under such circumstances, a brief period of couple therapy might be helpful to get you back on track.

2. Above all, don’t ignore it. That could lead to increasing doubts and eventually a dysfunctional relationship might result. If you remain together you may find you are adapting to an impoverished relationship.

3. Don’t accept that. If you catch these changes early, couples can almost always overcome their difficulties and resume their romance. Romance should be lifelong. And communication is the connecting artery and life blood to make it so.

By facing relationship problems early and maintaining a positive attitude to improve your relationship most couples can overcome such difficulties and help set the stage for increased intimacy and happiness.

To reach the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing that come from the building of understanding and trust and to also discover new and effective ways to have a wonderful, romantic love life reading “Love and Sex” and “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” offers in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to help you.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Love and Sex” and “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

Bouncing Back After Ending a Romance Without Making the Same Mistakes

Marvin H Berenson MD — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:47:44 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 9, 2011

“Judy, you’ve got to get out of bed and get back to life,” Sheila said strongly. “You‘ve been moaning over your lost love for almost a month and it’s doing you no good.”

“Sheila, you don’t understand,” Judy moaned. “Rick was everything I ever wanted. I can’t understand why he just came out and said that he feels that our relationship isn’t going anywhere and he wants to break it off.”

“Did he tell you why?”

“He said that he felt that I wanted too much from him and I was getting dependent on him.”

“Were you?” Sheila asked. “Many men don’t like overly dependent women.”

“I don’t know. I told him that I loved him and wanted to do anything I could to make him happy. ‘That’s just the point,’ he said. ‘I don’t want someone doing everything for me, someone who is dependent on my being happy.’ Sheila, isn’t that what a good relationship does? Each partner gives as much as possible to the other.”

“No,” Sheila replied. “There’s a balance between dependence and independence in mature couples. Unless one person likes to control the relationship and the other wants to be taken care off, being overly dependent doesn’t work. The partners should not intrude into each other’s separate space.”

“Why?” Judy asked

“Because the person who is clung too, begins to feel oppressed and controlled and becomes guilty whenever he refuses to do what is wanted by his caring partner.”

“But that would be his problem, not mind,” Judy said.

“No, Judy. He’d see it as manipulation, guilt producing and interfering with his freedom.”

“What can I do?”

“You’re got to change how you think and it’s not difficult once you understand what’s involved. Now get out of bed, dress up, say to yourself that you want to love and respect yourself first. Next say that you like the idea of feeling more independent.”

“But what happens when I meet another man?”

“Be careful and assess what I tell you. These are the areas that may indicate that the relationship may have problems if it continues.”

“Here they are:

• Do you feel like reaching out and touching him?
• Do you quickly compliment him on whatever he says?
• Do you find that you are filling in the silent periods when he is talking?
• Do you find that he tends to be very flattering whenever you show some kind of wanting to reach out? In other words he seems eager to connect with you. You can easily take that for liking you and that may be true, but it could also mean he’s seducing you into being responsive to him after detecting that quality in you.
• Does he reach out to touch you knowing that you welcome it?
• Do you feel encouraged to tell him all the things you can do for him and implying a willingness to go to bed with him as soon as possible?
• Do you discuss how much love you give to a man, trying to draw out of him a similar declaration of potential love?
• Do you feel drawn to him?
• Do you imagine he is like a child and you can take care of him?
• Do you believe he is a potential soul mate without knowing anything about his inner needs, his core beliefs, areas of compatibility, or even much about his character?

These are all warning signs that you may be getting tied up with the wrong man.”

“That does sound like me,” Judy mused.

“On the other hand,” Sheila continued, “here are the positive elements that you want to find in a man.

• You feel at ease in discussing most subjects and quickly find easy compatibility.
• You laugh together.
• You are not looking to jump into bed, although you find him sexually attractive.
• You want to know him as a friend.
• If this is coupled with similarity in key areas of your life such as religion, politics, age, ethnic background, education, athletic interests and there is sufficient physical appeal, then you might have a potential relationship worth pursuing. Sometimes relationships work where there are markedly different characteristics but they need careful evaluation.”

“Do you think I can do all that? Won’t I forgot to think of what you’ve told me?”

Sheila smiled. “Actually must of that will occur quickly without thinking if you like each other as a friend without that overwhelming interdependence you have always felt with men. And Judy, you can do it. Just keep in mind some of the things we have discussed and it will just happen when the right man comes along.

“Now get out of bed and know that by staying in bed and suffering you have become a victim of your lost lover. Instead realize that he did you a favor by breaking it off.”

In my books “Loving Life in Retirement” and “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” you will find a wealth of information about relationships. Reaching the highest levels of love, intimacy, communication and sharing come from the building of understanding and trust.

For in-depth suggestions, advice and methods to improve your relationships visit www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Loving Life in Retirement” and “A Guide to Healthy Relationships” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.

How Self-Love Can Lead to a More Creative, Expansive and Loving Self

Marvin H Berenson MD — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 20:37:27 GMT

By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. August 9, 2011

Self-love can be positive or negative depending on its effect on individuals. It can indicate a genuine feeling of inner power and personal strength and be a realistic appraisal of one’s capacity.

But it could mean grandiosity and cover a sense of power that hides unknown feelings of inferiority. It could be a defense against succumbing to a self-demeaning attitude.

On the positive side self-love is a necessary component of the kind of all-encompassing love that allows a person to enjoy creativity, an inner prowess in artistic pursuits, athletic skills, acting, writing and even the ability to make love and be a good and giving lover.

The mythology of Narcissus that has framed many stories for over 2000 years describes a destructive form of self-love. Narcissus on viewing his reflection in a pool of water is so smitten that he can’t leave his image and dies. Excessive self-love can be fatal to real self-esteem.

Excessive self-love is a form of grandiosity or paranoia that may set a person on a path of omnipotence that can lead to a life influenced by a delusional system that makes someone believe they are above others, are more powerful and omniscient than others. Such paranoia bodes no opposition, expects people to obey and even surrender to them. Political leaders who suffer this personality trait can become dictators and attempt to destroy opponents who stand in their way.

On the other hand self-love can be the inner ingredient that guides a person to creativity and discovery. Someone who can follow clues, never pauses as he pursues what he believes is truth. Great discoveries are made by such people. Many number among our greatest leaders, artists, actors, writers and athletes.

Can you cultivate self-love that becomes a healthy and meaningful part of you? Such a feeling would offer inner peace, well-being, prevent or minimize hesitation in pursuits or tasks. Loving yourself creates a more expansive self. You become more giving, a person who feels bountiful and loving. People sense a warmth, openness, and ease of sharing. There is no jealousy, or envy or feeling inferior to others. Such people tend not to compare themselves to others. They are givers rather than takers.

Accomplishing positive self-love depends on overcoming inner negativity, self-doubt, inferiority, and not holding on to a negative past. There is a willingness to pursue education and programs to facilitate inner change. Change is not difficult if the motivation is high. Many approaches for psychological change are available to help initiate such change.

Those approaches include meditation, use of mental imagery exercises, education, learning new skills and knowledge, pursing goals and realizing accomplishments that are satisfying. And always know you can accomplish what you seek. You can change your life and develop that healthy and essential element in yourself that says, “I love myself.”

Self-love can be positive or negative. Self-appraisal is necessary to assess your feelings accurately. With persistence you can overcome the negative attitudes that may be contributing to using self-love as a defense against inferiority. With focus, concentration and a positive attitude you can develop the kind of self-love that will change and expand your life.

“Inspiring Tales of Psychotherapy” describes the intense struggles and resolutions of eight patients to inspire and guide you in your own personal development. You will find solutions to your own emotional conflicts as you read how these courageous people changed their lives.

Visit http://www.DrMarvinBerenson.com to review “Inspiring Tales of Psychotherapy” and sign-up to receive Dr. Berenson’s highly informative biweekly newsletter and two FREE gifts.

Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.